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Some times

It's interesting that after all this time I might find myself back here. I know from looking for "friends' posts" most everyone seems to have moved on. So I guess at this point I post this out into the universe and we'll see if the universe tends to answer back.

At the moment I am feeling out of sorts. Will is sleeping in out room, I have hear the steadiness of his breathing from here. I wonder to myself where this sense of feeling a bit lost is coming from? Honestly I've been so happy for the most part, perhaps this is just the other side of the pendulum as it makes it's emotional arch, of sorts. Will chalks it up to the time of the year and yes, that might be playing in. It's been two years since I lost my mother. Her passing, and this time of the year do tend to take it out of me. However it's been more than just that. I've felt like in some ways I', just so very done with certain things. And perhaps that is health. Perhaps that is just growth and setting boundaries for what you will and you won't accept in your life. However it's also been like I've just felt drained. Lacking in pleasure or passion. Things that's I've attempted to cultivate in my life. I feel.... blah. Without spark or sparkle. There's likely a few layers to the emotional onion, so to speak. However isn't that how life works anyway. I've been floating along so happily and content. Without distraction. Perhaps it's that lacking in distraction or drama that's allowed whatever this is to surface, since this is the time I have to take a closer look at the who's the what's and the why's of this... whatever it is... that seems to be coming up for me. I know in my studies with Mama Gena she tends to say when w get into ruts like this, it's an alarm or a wake up call to get out grooves back on. I just feel of late nothing seems to speak to my soul or make it sing. I feel like a crabby spoiled child. I accept that's not me. However I also accept that's what I'm feeling right now and give validity to the rightness of it, that it is there for whatever the reason.

I'm pondering perhaps getting on sistergoddess.com again. I'd have to pay for it, but perhaps I could use a dose of the verve they seem to bring. I have some reservations as well. Ah, well. This is all part of the figuring out process just as getting on this old journals is and typing my thoughts into internet and it's vast landscape.s



I had not been here in years but I've never forgotten this place.
If you ever read this I wanted to say I'm so sorry about your Mom's passing. *HUGS*

March 2013

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