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My Mom

She's been in the hospital since yesterday. She came in non-responsive, She had pneumonia and also they found she was responding adversely to some of the drugs. She has a do not resuscitate order So through that order I am left to make all the life and death choices... to give her fluids, or give her anti-biotics... what is her quality of life, what can be expected. I figured we would just get fluids in her, get the meds going and everything would be okay... Today they call saying that her blood pressure and levels are low... and now what do I want. She's not all together with it so they can't ask her. I keep having to decide if she lives or dies. This is Hell. And I keep wandering if I'm making the right choices and what to do. No one knows what to tell me. I play out all the options in my head and wonder... I feel so lost.

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March 2013

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